Germany - Leipzig and Dresden

Sometime around Hamburg my friend from highschool/university/life Lauren sent me a message saying she was in Leipzig. Leipzig is a smallish city about 2 hours south west of Berlin. It would have been a waste to have come all this way and not meet each other and as I didn't really have any plans so I thought it'd be perfect!

So after Berlin I hopped on a bus and headed straight there. The hostel was quite cheap and had a great rating on hostelworld. It was pretty good except for the fact that there weren't many people staying there! On my stroll to the hostel I realised I didn't have my bank card which is pretty lame you guys. Turns out the combination of not having a wallet and wearing pretty short shorts can lead to things falling out of my pocket. Does make me wonder what else I might have lost ... aside from my dignity obvs... get it guys?

So I've got my Australian card and I've been using that so far. I can get emergency funds sent from my English account but it takes a few days and I'm moving around too much! I think in Munich I'll be able to work something out. Shall see!

So I met up with Lauren quite quickly (after an interlude with my bank) and we relaxed with a few beers before chowing down on a schnitzel FEAST. Hollandaise sauce, it turns out, is totally appropriate with a lot of stuff. Like schnitzel! Afterwards I went back to the hostel and met a cool Australian guy called Max who had been hitchhiking around Germany. He was a pretty cool guy - we made vegetable soup and he made a mean egg/bacon sandwich. Later on when leaving the hostel I really wanted to take some of the vegetable soup with me so I ended up jamming some into an empty water bottle. TURNS OUT it was SUCH a good idea! Had some veggie soup in Dresden! So phresh.

(Max chopping dem toms)

There was another guy in the hostel who would have been in his mid-30s, not very attractive, who immediately geared conversation to hooking up with chicks and how he prefers to go back to their place - describing it as a lioness bringing the prey back to the den? Otherwise he'd have to have sex with them in a communal toilet area in the hostel which he then pointed out to us. The guy was clearly a douchebag. So much so that I had to mention it in this blog.

I met up with Lauren the day after too! I went for a walk around the town with the hairiest man I have ever encountered (very interesting) and eventually met up with Lauren and had a brief picnic at her work/home of Leipzig University before meeting up with some of her friends at a Beer Garden. Leipzig is a very pretty city - parts of it felt almost Disney-esque. Flower lined streets with pretty wooden-framed windows, sunshine, opera playing in the main square etc. I think Leipzigers would be pretty happy with what they have.

(obviously excuse the construction)

(Arty ceiling shot)

(Does YOUR city have this?)

I went to the art gallery in town at the recommendation of the hairy man and I must say I have never felt so oppressed in a gallery. There were clearly more workers in this gallery than there were guests and they had eyes like a HAWK! Case in point, you walk into a room and there are simply three identical doors. You go for the middle one and oh hey! There's a mechanical heart beating inside. Interesting! You go back out and as you reach for the handle of one of the other doors the gallery employee shouts angrily to not touch it. It's a door handle lady. In a room of three doors. One of the doors worked, why wouldn't this door work? If there's no sign and if the door won't open for me anyway then CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Let me TRY the door then move on when it doesn't open! Jesus Christ. I felt I was being stared at the whole time.

(What the fuck, right?)

Unfortunately, around this time in my trip I was a bit stuck in what I should do or where I should go next. Losing my bank card was a massive bummer and had caused me to start looking into couchsurfing a lot more. I had a couch surfing guy in Prague willing to host me but it was still a few days away so I sort of had time to kill. I ended up going to Dresden as I mentioned but in the end it was a bit unnecessary ... the host cancelled on me as he was getting sick. I was overcome with an urge to keep moving, and that I was somewhat stagnating in one area (Berlin, Leipzig and Dresden are all very close to each other after all).

I left Leipzig and headed to Dresden via a carpool service which turned out to be a bit of a nightmare actually. This is a 3/4 paragraph problem so buckle up. Leipzig station has a west and an east hall - two different entrances to the same station. The carpool I had organised told me to be at the east entrance where 'all the travellers meet'. So on time I was standing at the east entrance when I realised my phone's internet wasn't working. I had become quite reliant on it actually - to the point where I didn't really bother remembering much information as I thought I'd just be able to send a message to the guy if there were any problems. All of sudden there WERE problems so I ran into the closest phone shop and asked the man for some help.

In any case, this was all about 5 minutes past the meeting time so when the internet did finally start working on my JUDAS OF A PHONE it was too late. I then immediately set out to find a new carpool and found one an hour later. The whole time though I was in the phone shop using their phone with my big back pack, speaking English and being a pain ... I bought the guy a big cookie at the end as a thank you.

So THIS carpool guy said meet at the east entrance too and yet, when the time came, nothing! Except this time I COULD communicate with the driver and I realised that they were both implying that there is actually an entrance to the building on the east facing wall - and not simply out the front of the east hall of the station. I feel that this isn't really a fault on my part ... that's really vague isn't it? If a building has an east and a west hall entrance then you need to be SPECIFIC that you mean the eastern entrance of the eastern hall. Not just 'meet at the east entrance'. In any case I got the carpool and got the lift I needed.

(I later had some messages with the first carpool guy apologising and explaining what happened. He completely understood and has adapted his messages to this format:

"Hey maria , you are welcome to drive with me. we will meet us here on friday the 15th at 13.30 location 51°20'40.2"N 12°23'03.1"E or check here http://goo.gl/maps/W5wYE . Please be there on time or better 5min earlier. If you cant be there please let me know asap because the seat is now reserved for you. See u on friday. Have a nice weekend. Matthias"

You're welcome Maria!)

I was able to book one night in Dresden on a Friday as the Saturday night after was booked out. Not thinking too much about it - half expecting a cancellation or whatever - I just sort of went with it and arrived at the hostel. Just as an FYI hostel owners out there, don't charge extra money on top of the booking costs for linens when they're mandatory - just include it in the overall price. Plus this tourist tax that is all the rage these days? I'm sorry ... I didn't realise I needed to PAY for the PRIVELEDGE of spending money in your city.

(oh you haven't paid the sunset tax yet? Yes, that's extra)

There were a lot of Germans in this hostel from other parts of Germany. More than I would have anticipated. In fact, it turns out that Germans flock to Dresden in summer and as it further turned out - there was absolutely no accommodation for Saturday night. At. All. Tried every hostel in the area to no avail and eventually tried out couch surfing which luckily worked! Stayed the night at a fellow named Martin's place after a few beers together.

(I can't rotate it but this took a lot of WERK. That circled place just didn't pick up but it was very unlikely they would have any vacancies)

Dresden is actually a pretty nice place. It was bombed to pieces by the British during the war (for reasons unclear) but was rebuilt quite successfully. There are loads of old looking buildings and even more fountains. A lot of fountains. Every turn there was a new fountain to behold. The first hostel was in the 'alternative' part so had some really cool restaurants and beer gardens. It's legal to drink on the street so everyone does it!

(Nice, pretty building)

(Oh look! A fountain! Shit what a surprise!)

I didn't spend too long in Dresden and instead opted to grab yet another carpool to Prague. This one went down without a problem.

Germany - Berlin

Berlin Day 1:
Arrived to the Berlin and then to the Hostel. The surly man at train station had not dampened my mood for the city but I was not particularly looking forward to the 16 bed dorm that awaited me. I left things last minute again - what?! However the hostel was not bad at all! Cool atmosphere yeah. Not so cool were the gaggle of 18 year old Irish girls desperate to go out. A desperation so fierce it was ... strange. I fell asleep at 2:30am to a serious conversation about which Spice Girl each of the girls would be and a declaration that tonight was to be a 'photo' night - the girls proceeded to take sporty action shots. Individually they were nice but they had the need for some dancefloor action so off they went.

(Greeted by THIS GUY!)

(Berlin: Hot and full of WASPS)

Berlin day 2:
I decided to start off my Berlin experience by hitting up the GERMAN HISTORY MUSEUM. I breezed through the uninteresting pre-war era section (because if Australian history is a hazy mess then why spend too much time on another country's?) but found quite an interest in the WW2/holocaust/Berlin wall section. Afterwards I took a quick stroll before meeting Farsan (friend I met in Barcelona). We decided to eat burgers for lunch then spend the afternoon drinking by canals to the south.  Only one person waved at us on a passing boat.

(Persuasive)

(Pretty building there B-town)

(Canalriffic)

Berlin day 3:
Day of main touristy shit. The Brandenburg Gate is not as interesting as thought (or perhaps as exactly as interesting as thought) so instead I opted to nap in the nearby park. Post-nap I make an effort to walk around and discover the currywurst museum. It was inexplicably expensive and no doubt inexplicably uninteresting so it was skipped. I do decide though to have some currywurst for cultural purposes.
Haul ass over to Spreepark in the west to visit an abandoned amusement park. After discovering the entrance was locked, I then discovered two fun Germans with a gleam in their eyes, and together we slip through a hole in the fence. Shortly after however we are discovered by security guard and forced to leave. Trespassing is thrilling!
Finally meet up with a 'friend' who lives nearby and tag along for a car ride around town, a few beers and finally a nice dinner with his family. The strangeness of the situation is barely noticeable - the diner was delicious!

(Brandenburg gate as a knuckleduster)

(It's just cut up sausage y'all)

(Ferris Bueller)

Berlin Day 4:
Found a strange ex-hospital that now hosts artist workshops and doesn't appear to feel the need to lock any doors. Explored for a bit and learned about the urban sprawl of Berlin (so much FREE SPACE) then continue to wander around town in soft alcoholic daze until persuaded by hostel folk to join an 'alternative walking tour' which ends up being really cool. We visit some unique locales along the way until the Berlin wall is reached and it's cool. Really cool. Artists have really done some beautiful works on something that represented so much hate. Although the East side is much cooler than the west side. Met some French Canadians for the first time and am finally forced to acknowledge that there is a vast portion of Canada where people learn French as their first language.

(Your office isn't at the ass end of a Lionel Richie Lion?)

(Deep. Especially those ones on the wall there)

(YAAM - Young African Art Market. The Caribbean in Berlin)

(Please dont feel the need to comment on the shorts. They're amazing obvs.)

Berlin day 5:
Head to flea market somewhere in the city, drink in the bleeding heat until eventually migrating to a bier festival. It never really occurred to me to go to an international bier festival when I had, after all, just come to GERMANY of all places. However the international part of the title may as well have not been there - watched a German man dance to German songs with a German beer and a German sausage. Am further convinced to head to the Berghain - one of the worlds 'best night clubs'. Now listen. The Berghain is guarded at the door by a security guard called Sven and Sven is the last word on who gets in and who doesn't. There is no strict rule that indicates whether he will say yes or no - no particular clothing style that is favoured - no tricks or tips to help - you just have to turn up and see what he says. Wouldn't ordinarily be a problem except the nightclub is pretty far out of the way and people can be waiting for up to 3 hours. I just feel like Berlin is a city which is full of immigrants, squatters, artists, poor people and the like but is still happy to accept them all with open arms. Then there's the Berghain which openly and proudly admits to rejecting people for absolutely no reason. Case in point, many people get rejected because they're not German!

When we arrive there is no queue and even though we all approached individually or in pairs we are ALL (9 of us. foreign.) rejected anyway. The expedited rejection for me though is met with mild satisfaction. I was able to cross off the tourist activity of being rejected from the Berghain without any wait time involved!

(Any opportunity)

(Who wouldn't let these guys in?)

Berlin day 6: 
I realised I missed the holocaust memorial which is literally right next to the Brandenburg gate (curse you nap! Curse you inviting grass!) so instead of walking I decided to catch a local bus to the site. On the way I listened to music on my ipod for the first time in Berlin and it was marvellous. I found fascination in the site and due to lack of company to take photos of me I decide to take a grim selfie instead. The walk home utilised a different route and the breadth of Berlin was noted. Spacious. In the evening I hang out with my hostel friends that I have slowly developed since the Irish girls thankfully disappeared.

(The selfie is on Facebook - this isn'ttttt)

(Let's be friends)

Berlin day 7: 
Catch a bus down to Leipzig for 5 euro (!!!) to meet my friend Lauren who is working/studying there. There's still a lot to see in Berlin but I think this was a pretty good start! Not too shabs. I'm sure I've forgotten shit. Maybe I'll add it in later as I remember.

Germany - Cologne / Hamburg / Schwerin

Germany and France are the last two major European countries I've been meaning to visit. By the time I leave Europe I want to say I have a general grasp of what's out there. Then, when I return, I'll re-visit places I liked, see places I missed, explore more of what I liked and so on. The UK have their summer around August so at the first opportunity I jumped onto a plane to Cologne simply because it was cheap! Seemed a good enough place to start too, right?

When you walk out of Cologne station you are immediately forced to behold the Dom - a beautiful cathedral - in all of it's splendour.

(BEHOLD)

Then after finding your hostel you are again immediately forced to wonder what else there is to do in this city? I just don't really care much for museums I must say people. Sure some are good - mostly the sciencey ones - but it needs to actually be good. I'm not going to go to the Roman museum in Cologne simply because it exists ja feel?

So here's where it gets interesting. You see some of you may be wondering how I meet so many people on my journeys and why a lot of them always seem to be men.

Well.

Yes, some of them are randos from the hostel. However, a lot of them are guys I've met from various gay dating apps on the iphone. I'm sure you've all heard about them - I won't go into too much detail - but yes I have and still do use them albeit not usually for their intended purpose (sex). Stuck in a city and don't know which restaurant is good? Ask the gays! Not sure if this cathedral is worth the 5 euros to enter? Ask the gays! Need someone to have a beer with at a bar? Ask a gay! So useful is this resource that I have had some absolutely incredible adventures with some amazing people.

(House party in The Netherlands)

(Horses in Sweden)

(Flamenco dancing in Spain)

After exhausting the Dom and the streets of Cologne I decided to contact a gay to meet up for a drink and had a great night! I've been told by many a German that Cologne's sights are not really worth shaking a stick at (my words) but that the nightlife was definitely worth its weight in gold (again, my words). I didn't really get to see that much of the nightlife but I did have an amazing burrito and few drinks with a young law lecturer. Young for a law lecturer. I think he was 28?

On the first day I was awake at 2:30am in London to get the bus to get the train to get the plane to Cologne and after arriving was told I couldn't check in until many hours later. All I wanted to do was lie down somewhere and have a nap or read a book blah blah. I could find nothing! Later it turns out that all the parks sit in a circle SURROUNDING the city. So I spent a while just strolling through the long string of parks including a fun sculpture park.

Travelling alone means it is often hard to take photos of myself and have to resort to stupid shots so that I have something interesting to show people - Cologne was no exception!

(Aww yisssss)

However Cologne did provide me with a German sim card and a book to read. I say 'provide' here to mean I did it myself but Cologne ... allowed me? There was a cool American guy in the hostel who I had a fair few beers with but that was really about it. Just this morning in fact I was having a bit of an existential crisis about the nature of forming relationships with people. That is to say - if I know it won't go anywhere should I bother? Or if I bothered would it go somewhere? And if I did bother and it went nowhere then I'm just sort of left by myself again but with a sense of loneliness. Heavy stuff you guys. Still haven't found an answer. I gloss over the deeper issues of course. This was legit stuff peeps.

After Cologne I hauled ass up to Hamburg - German's second largest city. As some of you may know, my approach to travel (and indeed life) is haphazard and unorganised. Such was the case as I walked out of Hamburg central station with no place to stay. I knew all the hostels were inexplicably full and my attempt to find an AirBnB place failed (Exact quote from one - "Hey Kris, a friend of mine is staying at my place for the weekend, so the room is taken Saturday night - i forgot to block that date in the calender on this site ... (Sorry!)" and just no response from the other). In any case, I simply walked into the enormous hostel by the station and luckily slid into a cancelled room in a 4-bed dorm. At this point I want to say that Germany is stiflingly hot at the moment and the thought of sitting in the stuffy hostel room for longer than necessary was unappealing so instead I decided to meet up with Max for a walk.

This lead to a bizarre music festival in the middle of nowhere with his cool friends listening to what I would have described as 'german electro' until the DJ's accent suggested somewhere else. From here we explored the bar scene of Hamburg and I had my first Hamburger in Hamburg. I'm sure a lot of you have seen this picture already. It's FUNNY, OK?!

Truth be told the hamburger itself was terrible. It was sourced from a dingy burger place and was more expensive than a mcdonalds cheeseburger and one of them had mayonnaise for some reason. Time and a place mayonnaise - time and a place. Not on my burger at 4am plz.

The rest of my time in Hamburg was spent riding bikes, strolling by the Alster river, lying in parks, eating and napping at pretty much any opportunity. I've found that having this beard means my neck gets super sweaty after I sleep. It's kind of gross especially since the humid heat is already making me develop a fine layer of sweat daily anyway. I must persevere though - chicks love this piece of man-face-hair. I did do some touristy things though, took pictures, climbed up a tower and all that. Managed to do most of the touristy things within a few hours actually. Swish.

(Hamburg on high)

 (Awesome empty church)

 (Stage at music festival)

 (Alster lake (maybe) through the lens of my sunglasses)

Finally on the last day I met up with a pal, Henrik. He thought it would be a good idea to go to the gym (????) so along we went and it was a nice venture actually! He had some interesting stories to pepper in along the way about his home and some favourite places that he likes to visit (including a beautiful decking area right on the water for some goat cheese) and we finally spent some time overlooking the river watching the boats drift by and the sun slowly descend. Henrik is really into his supplements so prior to the workout we had a protein shake, had some amino acids after the workout then another protein shake. Turns out the workout didn't hurt as much the next day as I thought - I suppose there's some credit to the theory!

That night I caught a bus to the nearby city Schwerin at the advice of a friend Laura. Many of the Hamburgers couldn't really understand why I wanted to go but truthfully it was on the way to Berlin, I didn't have accommodation anywhere else and I liked the idea of exploring a smaller city - after a while all the big cities start looking the same. I arrived around 9pm when it was still light and had an easy stroll around a big lake to get to the hostel. It was one of those hostels where the owners are never around and you have to call them to get keys etc. I wasn't too fussed as they picked up and the key was easy to get. I was in a 9 bed room dorm which isn't normally a problem but tell you WHAT it was just comically irritating how noisy and unaware of others these guests were. I hope I snored to teach everyone a lesson. ha.

(Fucking POSTCARD WORTHY)

Fortunately, Schwerin isn't exactly an intense town to be in so not having much sleep was ok. I had a nice stroll in the morning around town until eventually I had a sit down with some pastries, tea and a book. Later I went to the castle to have a look around. It's pretty much the main draw of the town and even though I didn't find the inside really very interesting I really enjoyed wandering around the grounds afterwards. As the weather was pretty shitty it wasn't exactly the best situation to take photos (did anyway obvs) but I did manage to catch a quick nap on some grass under a tree.

(Thumbs up to naps)

As I finish writing this (Although not when I'm posting as there's no internet) I'm on the train to Berlin. I used a website called blablacar.com which I thought was to organise car pools with people between cities. Turns out that someone was just using the website to grab some people so we could all catch the train on a group ticket. I'm not exactly complaining! It's a 2 hour and 20 minute journey so eventually I got out my craptop to finish this and they did their own thing. I'd still happily use the website again though! I'm in Berlin for five nights but looking to get a trip to Leipzig then Dresden... We'll see what happens!

The Netherlands

Not Holland you guys. That's only a PART of The Netherlands. See? So educational already.

This trip was another case of "cheap flights during school holidays" and I was pretty thrilled with the result. My knowledge (and it seems everyone else's knowledge) of NL revolves around Amsterdam and the titillating goings on around there. Two independent people told me about the time they got 'so high' that they went to an all-you-can-eat ribs restaurant - whereupon after what only FELT like a few rounds they were denied any more ribs. TWO different people said this!

(Canal has the word 'anal' in it)

I'm afraid to say that I did NOT get 'so high' that I engaged in a buffet style activity. I did smoke one joint there though - sorry mum. The idea was to enjoy NL with actual Dutch people and as it turns out - Dutch people don't get ridiculously high every day! I planned to stay with my friend Martijn whom I met in Portugal when I first arrived in Europe. He lives in Utrecht which is a cool city about 30/40 minutes from Amsterdam by train. By itself though it's got canals, shops, a tall tower, and all that stuff. It seemed like a smaller Amsterdam with less tourists (and without a red light district). Despite this, our first activity it seemed was to head to a theme park down south.

(Utrecht canals have little sidewalk areas to drink alcohol on! I assume that's their purpose...)

(Take THAT no-photo symbol! Shoving it to the MAN)

Efteling is a theme park that isn't Disney and is essentially inside a big beautiful forest. There are no obvious mascots so the park instead relies on a general fantasy theme. It really is a well made park although it is definitely geared towards children; perhaps this is why Martijn and I had so much fun. We were going on all the cooool rides, the pretty rides, the strange rides then we'd eat something etc. etc. All in all it was a nice day. In the evening we drove down to Belgium/Antwerp and had some stoemp and later some FRIES! These fries would mark the first of many consumed during my week long trip. I ate a lot of fries you guys. An uncomfortably large amount.

(This is a 'small')

Like most holidays, I find I appreciate just hanging out the most. I like strolling around cities/towns, drinking, eating locally stuff and having a nice chat. There's a certain, embarrassing-to-admit joy in blending in with the locals - a feat rarely achieved with a massive fuckoff backpack. There was a food festival happening in Amsterdam at the time which was rad to visit. The kind of place where you can get unusual foods for high prices. The weather was quite up and down but I was lucky to have a few good days weather-wise to spend by the canals and at the park. I could do it day after day. In fact I kind of did.

The Red Light District was really interesting! (GOOD SENTENCE KRIS). Yes, there are prostitutes but they're literally right there on main streets/canals. They stand behind windows and beckon you in - some admittedly better looking than ... others. A particular example that comes to mind was a mannish looking woman with enormous boobs, leathery brown skin, bleached hair and the make up of ... well the make-up of a prostitute. I wish I could have taken a photo but they're notoriously sensitive to that. Can't blame them. Otherwise it was just a load of bucks/hens nights, the smell of weed, and sex shops. You name it, and they'll have it and a means to get it inside you.

(or in this!)

I took a trip up to The Hague with my friend Leo who lives/studies there, and checked out the beach. I wouldn't say The Netherlands are not known for their beaches (are they?) but it was a nice trip all the same. We also went to a house party in Delft which was, shall we say, unexpected? I'm not used to house parties having an organised line up of bands, fire twirlers, a male choir, a token economy and a teepee amongst other things but there you go! House parties of the future. It was nice to get out of Utrecht and Amsterdam to see other parts of the country - made the trip feel a lot more rounded I think. It's worth noting though that the beach has approximately zero shade and a crapload of sand. Guess who got massively sunburneddd?

(This guyyyy)

(From thissss)

Which has lead to an unfortunate farmer's tan. Brown face/arms - white everything else.

I realised my friend Sasha from High School was in the area (i.e. in the country) so we arranged to meet up in Utrecht. It had probably been about 9 years since I had seen her last but it was really relaxed. We have both since become teachers and travelled around - so we had quite a lot to talk about. Sasha is really passionate about education and I'm just a bit more apathetic about the whole thing - that's what London students do to you my friends. The day was spent strolling around, drinking beer, and then eventually having fries and wine by the canal. It was a really great day. I look forward to the next time.

(Kris: 26 going on 35 with a beard of the homeless variety. Sasha: Youthful pixie)

Now, Amsterdam obviously has a lot to do and I don't think I really did all there is to be honest. For example, I didn't go to the sex museum and I didn't even ride a bike! It got to the point where I had been walking around the city all day for a few days and I didn't really see what the bike would add to the experience. I did, however, insist on a canal cruise. I cringe mentioning it and it wasn't that great but it was a nice, peaceful hour and I'm still glad I took the opportunity. Plus I had some nice company! I dragged Dutch Leo on the trip as he had never done it before - what a great guy, hey?

(Leo looking unamused)

The whole time in the Netherlands I felt really welcome. I didn't get to wear clogs or get super high but I did manage to meet some really great people and experience some really good moments. I feel like I got quite a good picture of Dutch life and it seems, even from my glimpse, like a pretty nice way to live!  I'd like to return to The Netherlands one day but in the upcoming summer holidays I'm thinking France and Germany! 

(Facebook photos)

Ireland

Since being in London I've felt a bit trapped. Living in London is expensive so any money I earn seems to just disappear and frankly, when working Monday - Friday, I just want the weekends to hang out. I certainly do not want to be rushing to an airport and sorting out accommodation blah blah blah. In any case, Easter holidays have come around and I've opted to visit Ireland. It was never really high on my to-go list but flights were cheap so ...

Some of you may remember how I helped that man fix his boat when I was in Italy? Yeah that was through a website wherein you stay with people who provide you a room and food and in return you help them out in some way. It could be working at the farm, fixing boats, gardening etc. In Ireland I was helping out the Wall family on their dairy farm down in the very rural town of Mullinavat. 3 hour bus trip from Dublin airport. Rad.

(Scene from the kitchen. Reasonably sunny innit?!)

Joseph is the son (and the guy who put the farm on the website) and he lives with his Mother and Father - Joan and Pat. In typical Irish fashion they've got a massive family but most of the other siblings have moved out or away (one is in Melbourne coincidentally enough). Joan has recently had some hip troubles so for a lot of the time I was kind of her personal assistant. Other times I would help milk the cows, took a trip to the Cow Mart to sell some cows with Pat, general gardening and otherwise helping out around the house. It was a nice experience but I must say that rural Ireland has some odd aspects worth noting ...

(Beer drinking isn't odd ... not doing it more often is a bit weird though)

For example, the constant talk about people dying. Because families tend to be quite large it makes sense that family networks are even larger so when someone dies it spreads throughout the town like wildfire. When driving around Joan would point out the houses with people who had died from things like cancer / stroke / heart attacks etc. It felt a bit grim to be honest. The general atmosphere was a bit downcast despite the beautiful weather.

(Joan kept saying she hoped the dog wasn't 'taken'. I assumed by Jesus or whatever but no! People come and steal puppies to sell them! This is their third 'Toby')

I went to mass one day with Joan just to see what it was like. At school we had to go to church so I know the general idea but back then it was still pretty boring even with the Rev trying to jazz it up a little. Unfortunately it seems some things never change. I had to enter through the 'men's' entrance and listen to a lot of talking. Joan was doing a reading so I wanted to see her and, yeah, that was nice. However, not being raised in a religious household it all seemed a but samey and a bit eye-rolly at times but it was pretty short and culminated with an upbeat choir so I shouldn't complain. I quietly opted out of the Eucharist but donated a single euro to the cause.

(It's a shaky picture as I had to be discrete. Still got looks)

Joan was not a great cook... The first night there I had a piece of chicken that was so dry it was solid served with vegetables that had been boiled so much they no longer held any nutrients. For lunch we had salmon (why?) served with half a steamed cabbage. A few times a kind of soup/sauce was made from a powder packet labelled 'farmers vegetables' but clearly contained nothing of the sort and was generally poured over whatever was on the plate - even if there was nothing on the plate. Potatoes were served unpeeled on a separate dish and looked like rocks. Potato rocks waiting to be peeled and consumed for their starchy contents.  At least potatoes are cultural, right?

Cows are a bit crap you guys. They really don't like being around humans, they're pretty stupid and my god they just LEAK faeces and urine. Just pours right out of them! It's almost unbelievable until you're standing behind them attaching the milking machine. The cows are milked twice a day and have to be herded into the right paddock for grazing. Besides that they don't really do much except occasionally moo. Keep it up cows!

(Herding cows in style)

I arrived in Dublin roughly midday and, after a couch surfer cancelled ON THE TRAIN THERE, I had to check into a youth hostel. I haven't been in a youth hostel for a while and I was a bit reluctant to get back into that mindset of pub crawls and going to 'recommended' restaurants etc. but it wasn't too bad really. I did end up going on one of the pub crawls which turned out to be pretty cool but otherwise I was out of the hostel for most of the time. I managed to squeeze in the leprechaun museum, The Guinness storehouse, the big sights of Dubbers (Trinity College, Christchurch cathedral, The Castle of Dublin) and a fair few beers between.

(I'm a fucking leprechaun)

When I started drinking beer back in the day it didn't really taste that good I'll be honest. However, it was cheap and everyone else was drinking it so I just kept it up and now I'm a pretty big fan! Guinness was always that dark liquid that I could never conquer though. It just looked dense ...

(There she is)

Coming to Ireland though it was a must and surprisingly it's not nearly as bad as I either remembered or thought I remembered. It's pretty good! At the storehouse they had fudge made with Guinness, you see how the beer us made, advertisements blah blah - the whole Guinness situation - then finally you can go up into a bar that over looks Dublin. Unfortunately Dublin isn't exactly a 'tall' city (by any means) but view from on high are always nice. Especially with a beer in hand (and in beard).

(Yes, admittedly a posed photo - note flat Dublin. Flatlin)

On the second day I took a bus trip over to the west of Ireland where things are supposedly 'more Irish'. I want to say The Corrs are from here but some quick research tells me they are from a place quite close to the east coast - complete other side of the island. I was mega hung over from the pub crawl the night before so the three hour bus ride was a strange haze of semi consciousness, scenery, and snacks. Once there, there was a brief tour from a painfully awkward tour guide and then it was  back on the bus to check out some LANDSCAPES.

I'll admit at this point I was still not up to scratch so missed the first hour or so of the tour (sleeping) but caught on later. The main destination was the Cliffs of Moher which turned out to be legitimately beautiful. I got some pretty nifty photos including some with me in them - an oft difficult feat when travelling alone. We also stopped in this picturesque country town for lunch. Yes it was very touristy but it was right by the ocean but had all of these cool fields with wild flowers and cows (more cows) chilling out in them. All these sights culminated in another three hour bus ride back.

(Three hour bus trip back?! Jesus I'd rather just ... )

Although I didn't really plan it I ended up taking a trip into Belfast to visit my friend David from when I studied in Miami back in 2007. Some of you may remember David from that time there was a streaker at the MTV movie awards. It was good Friday around this point and for some reason (religion) Ireland will not allow anyone to buy or sell alcohol on good Friday so at 12am sharp bars stopped selling the fun-juice which meant a fairly early night. Fortunately, most people started early so were pretty ok to go home. The next day we went to see where the Titanic was built (didn't go in) and just hung out really! I had a plan to catch back in Dublin so around 6pm that evening I hauled ass BACK to Dublin airport to fly back to London.

(David's world stage debut feat. Hayden Panettiere)

I liked Ireland! I was worried it would be similar to England and while yes there were some similarities I think it was distinct enough for it to be a stand alone venture. Once I hit Northern Ireland I could see some of the things I'm used to from London but Dublin was notably different I thought. I didn't drink as much as I thought probably due to the family I stayed with not being drinkers much at all but I had my fair share. Ireland is cool you guys.