Schools

(My role model)

Schools in London are as varied and multicultural as you'd expect of such a varied and multicultural city. For those not in the know - I've been working in London as a teacher on both long term and short term placements. In order to do this I was working with a few teaching agencies (four to be exact) but this meant that I could be sent all over the city at a moment's notice. I could be asked to teach something that I might, or might not know to a bunch of kids that could range from primary school to high school. While my official teaching method should have been science I have taught almost every subject at least once as schools desperately try to get their money's worth for having me there and cram up my timetable with things I am extremely unfamiliar with. You want me to teach history? Spanish? Why the fuck not.

So I thought I'd enlighten y'all to some of the school experiences I've had since arriving. London schools can be intense. I've changed at least one letter of each school name to protect their privacy. heh.

Zarris Zacademy
Marketed as an 'outstanding' all girls school... My first day at Zarris deteriorated into Shaquanda and Shaznae on the floor wrestling trying to rip each others' weaves out. Fortunately since that lesson behaviour hasn't been so bad but I'm just so tired of stupid sassy behaviour from the stupid sassy girls. Who is teaching these bitches to be so annoying?! It's systemic throughout London somehow. My main issue with Zarris Zacademy though is that it is pretty much run as a business. All academies are. The girls barely get any breaks and classes run from 8:30am to 4:00pm which is a bit much. The staff aren't overly polite but who cares - I wasn't exactly gagging to hang around.

("This is coming out of your break time")

Zow Zoys Zigh Zchool:
Ahh Zow. I spent 9 months here as part of my post-summer-no-money freak out. Zow was easily the most stressful experience of my life to date. I was stuck at an all-boys school with the lowest ability kids in years 9, 10 and 11 (with a regular year 7 and 8 class on top) and every class was a battle. A god damned battle. One of my students I never met because he was in jail, one was arrested for shoplifting, another for possession of drugs, two for attacking someone on the street. Two students threaten to punch me in class and one threatened to attack me on the walk to the station. There was often fights in the class, threats, shitty behaviour, disrespect to the EXTREME, and still I would slog away making lesson plans and marking shit ... I loved the staff though. I made some really great friends.

(Or just caring less in general)

Zaint Zabrielle's
I worked here for a month in the midst of another money crisis. This was an all girls school that had just started introducing boys into the first year level. I was thrown into a science faculty with no real head of department, with no real instructions, no plans, no curriculum and no communication from the higher ups. I just sort of had to make stuff up for every class. Then strangely enough the person I was covering came back but wasn't taking classes? He would sit in the staff room trying to avoid the students. Again, no explanation. The stand out student from hell here was god damned Modupe who was so full of attitude it was oozing out of her stupid ugly face. Don't try to use religion to tell me you're a good person Modupe while you're being such a fucking bitch.

 
Zardinal Zaughan
A somewhat prestigious all boys school. I believe a previous Prime Minister sent his sons there however I'm not sure so don't ask me any more questions.. Very well behaved boys with a lot more 'Benedicts' and 'Maximillians' than one would expect on the class list. It was a very religious school though... At 12pm the prayer bell would go and all the students would stand up and recite a paragraph of a prayer from heart - we're talking like 5 full minutes of prayer said in the most boring droll tone. I taught a lot of RE here (go figure) and a lot of the work was this wanky stuff like "Write down 10 things you think are beautiful" or "Write your life story" blah blah. Everyone was a bit snobby though which got irritating very quickly but still ... at least it was calm and peaceful for the most part.

(In a pie chart no less)

Zarylebone Zirls Zchool
Filled with wealthy white girls - this school was always an easy but painfully dull day. More often than not the tasks left by the teachers involved making flash cards or some kind of boring revision. If the class was fun you could have a chat but often the girls would just kind of sit there quietly and get the work done. At lunch times I would walk around the extremely wealthy neighbourhood in my cheap clothes and grab something to eat. It's a whole other world and it's mega boring.


Zkinner Zacademy
This school used to be rough as guts until they brought in a SUPER HEAD TEACHER who whipped the school into shape. Discipline followed this strict format - One warning -> sent outside for five minutes -> Taken away by senior leadership and torn to shreds (verbally). It was so strange to see the kids adhering to the discipline system; kind of like watching a ferocious tiger perform tricks. Even as a substitute teacher I was given superficial respect. It may have only been superficial but hey! I'll take it!


Zonsuch Zigh Zchool
I went here on a strike day last year. I'm obviously not in the British Teacher's Union so I don't mind teaching during a strike. This is an all girls school that took me over an hour and a half to get to but was so worth it. I was teaching RE again (really ... go figure) and the girls were so mature and thoughtful in their class discussions. They were considerate of others, voiced their views eloquently, listened and respected each other ... I left with the feeling of "This is teaching" and it's stayed with me ever since. A thought I must consider when put in my usual position of explaining to students why it's not OK to spit in the classroom for example. Unfortunately due to the distance I haven't been back to this school. I simply can't get there in time!

(THE BELL DOESN'T DISMISS YOU - I DO)

Zorth Zridge Zouse
Set in leafy Hampstead this is a school full of wealth. This is a fee paying school so poor people can't get in - I would pay good money to watch these wealthy people quiver in fear in the depths of east London. The view of London on the top floor is actually spectacular. This is one of those schools wherein you set the work and they will sit there quietly and just do it. There have been times when I've made conversation with the students (in effect stopping them from working) because I was bored and wanted something to do. The school lunch is top quality it must be said - they have a vegetarian option, a meat option, a special of the day, soup, full salad bar, fucking SEEDS, desserts, juice and everything. Yassss.
 

Zaggerston Zchool
The last school that I worked at in London. I had previously been turning down longer term positions at schools because they require marking, planning and a general lack of a social life. However I accepted a three week post at this school simply as it was physically the closest possible school to my apartment - literally a 3 minute walk away. I was fortunate to find that as a school it was pretty great! Great students, great teachers, great atmosphere. I was further lucky to discover that they wanted to keep me until I left the UK which was actually the best thing that could have happened to me in London. My workload was quite light as I had student teachers working with me, I got to work with some low ability kids which I really enjoy, I was saving loads of money on transport, I could go out in the evenings and still be on time the next day... My last few months in London were amazing because of this school.

(2 weeks .... covered in red wine and curry)

These were just some examples of the schools I worked in. For a large part of my time in London however I worked at a series of PRU schools. PRU - Pupil Referal Units - are 'schools' that take kids who have been rejected from mainstream schools usually for behaviour. Generally kids spend a few days there, however, if the problem persists they are sent there permanently. Turns out though that putting bad kids together doesn't actually result in an overall improvement of behaviour. WHO KNEW?! I spend most of my time in the primary school division as the kids are small and can be restrained ... those secondary kids can be a menace.

Zew Zegents Zollege
I spent about 2 months here largely working one-on-one with a child. He lived with a carer and had to catch a taxi there every morning - a 1.5 hour journey each way. He wasssss annoying for the most part but unfortunately his bad behaviour did seem largely to be a choice and not from an inner rage. On my second day with him he repeatedly tried to punch me, ripped my shirt and eventually sprained my thumb because I wanted him to do some writing. He refused to do most work and when we played soccer inside (he wasn't allowed outside as he never behaved afterwards) and I won he would get angry. I won a lot actually! He was just super rude, unpleasant, ungrateful to those trying to help and just a bit of a chore to be around. You can imagine after 5 weeks of spending all day, every day with just him and me in a classroom things got tiresome.

This school actually had a 'time out' room which my charge was sent to a fair few times in the beginning. This is a room that has nothing in it, only a carpeted floor and bare walls. Once inside the kids can't get out until someone lets them out. Obviously a gross fire hazard but pretty valuable when a kid just needs to get it all out without hurting others. Often they scream and hammer on the door until they're tired and then we can sort the issue out. Fascinating.

Zew Ziver
Another fun aspect of PRU schools is the security pass. Almost every door requires a security pass to get through and there are just generally a lot of adults around. A class of 5 kids (classes rarely exceed 6) will have at LEAST one teacher and one teaching assistant in the class. There are people roaming the corridors each with walkie-talkies in case something happens and they need to summon help. The teaching assistants are often 'burly' for want of a better word and are so, so much help. Especially for skinny white guys who have stepped into the school/zoo for the first time. Here I taught mostly art but all the students wanted to do was play rap music on youtube. They were nice kids.


Zambell Zrimary Zentre
This school was the step before a full on PRU school and usually the kids here are sent back to mainstream. There are some problem kids but they just need to be taught things like turn-taking and not snatching stuff (i.e. basic manners). I worked here on a part-time basis for a while but the school needed someone to take over permanently and I was not that man so we decided I should leave so they could find someone more willing. Highlights include a student ripping down every piece of decoration in a class room, colouring after lunch (yassss), watching the awkward kids trying to play basketball and FREE TIME ON FRIDAYSSSS.

(Life goal)

Zeleanor Zegent Zentre
I worked here just once when their usual cover teacher couldn't work. Almost immediately I got this feeling of timid anxiety from the other teachers at introducing a new person into the school. I had a one on one chat with the principal who was trying to subtly warn me about the school - never a good sign. It essentially featured 6 classrooms facing onto one basketball court. It felt a bit suffocating (it felt like a prison) but the kids were actually not bad. Not great but ... yeah not bad. Just like other PRU schools it would be about 5-7 kids with at least one additional teaching assistant in the room. No major dramas happened whatsoever - but there WAS a pretty amazing Caribbean style lunch on! PRU schools always have the best lunches.


There were of course many other schools and these were only a sample. Teaching in London required me to work harder for less money than in Australia to kids that were often pretty crap. I'm not sure if teaching is for me but I'll at least give it another go in Australia before I completely call it quits.

Wish me luck babes.