Spain - Valencia

There's something strange about the water in Valencia. Like I checked it out and apparently it's ok but the taste is off. Again, I'm writing this on some form of transport and this time it's a bus to Barcelona. I've just watched people dash to the bus to make it on time - then stand there for a while madly smoking a cigarette like it's oxygen. ha.

I've just spent the last four or so days hanging out in Valencia and it's been kinda nice. Unlike other cities I feel Valencia isn't trying to shove history down your throat, on the contrary, most of the cathedrals I visited were plain closed, instead it appears to enjoy it's beach side and beautiful weather element. Admiral indeed.

(SPAYN!)

Let me just say that Valencia oranges were created in California. There are still orange trees everywhere though. My friend in Sevilla said that they are 'male' oranges though and are mostly only used for jams/marmalade because they are too bitter. Nice to look at though.

Possibly what I've enjoyed most about Valencia is the long riverside turned park that runs through the middle of the city. A while ago Valencia decided that, no, it did not want to have a river there any more (floodsss) so instead they turned the canal in to one long park with sport facilities, trees, flowers, fountains, and more. I spent a lot of one particular day just strolling around it eating grapes. They were kind of soft. Not the best grapes I've had.

(Fuck you river - trees!)

I've found that when arriving in a new city the first thing I usually do after checking into the hostel is to go on the hunt for a super market. I literally bled money in Portugal (not literally) because I was just going out for every meal when in reality that's not really sustainable. Spaniards do not seem to enjoy dip because it is super hard to find. Come on guys! DIP! Everyone needs dip. This all also coincides with an incident at the Valencian Science Museum that has filled me with a need to eat better...

I'm in the healthy BMI range yeah? In the Science museum they have a ride where you sit there and spin around or whatever. Their requirements are that you be no taller than 193cm and no heaver than 75kgs. I weigh 80.2kg (again, well within range!) so they refused to let me go on it. More annoyed than embarrassed. My friend Dom got to jump on though. Jerk.

(Fight the authority! Kris for ride/thing 2013!)

When booking the hostel I had the option between a 9 or 12 bed room (on a budget guyzzz) and so I thought "oh, there must be 2 bunk beds and a single or something" but no! I have just experienced my first 3-tier bunk system and of COURSE I was on the top! I couldn't sit on my bed without my hair touching the ceiling. It wasn't so bad though; I couldn't receive wifi in the room so I was only in there for sleeping anyway. The common room was very expansive but constantly dark and oddly quiet. You could have 9 people in there and no one would be saying a single word to each other.

That's when my friend Sativa (one of the Aussies I met in Madrid and fellow healthy eater enthusiast) said she and the others were in Valencia so hey presto the next day I was drinking wine and eating stuffed capsicums on their hostels rooftop terrace. Dom and I went to the science museum where my aforementioned awakening experience occurred.  The girls slept. The day after they were heading to Barcelona which is where I'm currently off to now. We've decided to have Tapas and cheap champagne.


Otherwise what else did I do? I went to the largest aquarium in Europe which was pretty cool (but cost 29 euro :-/), walked around the city, got drunk with a local Spaniard named Juan, walked around the park I mentioned and made some mean tuna sandwiches. One of which I ate at the aquarium. I was eating what I was seeing. It's like having a ham sandwich in a petting zoo.

(This is from my shitty iPhone camera. Right?)

All in all I'd say I enjoyed Valencia. I didn't go to the beach as I ran out of time but the weather wasn't quite hot enough yet. I was rocking tshirts and shorts almost out of hope than anything else but the sun was shining most days and I can feel there's a definite change happening. It's a big weekend this weekend in Barcelona as it's the Easter weekend and ... well it's Barcelona. If I survive I'll let you know what crappens!

Spain - Sevilla

It was a pleasant day when I arrived in Seville (which I'm going to be writing as Sevilla from now on) which apparently was quite a contrast to the last few days. It's becoming a really bad habit of mine but I arrived at the station and realised I had absolutely no idea where I was going or even what the hostel was called so I used some nearby computers. 0,50 euro for 10 minutes. Not too bad.

I was wandering the streets for a while until, miraculously, I found the hostel just there next to me. This hostel wasn't nearly as fun as the others I've experienced but it was really central and it had all the facilities etc. I guess I can't complain.

(Who could possibly complain about this guy who never left the room ever?)

And as it turns out I actually had a friend in Sevilla at the time anyway! In fact, the night of arriving we went to a Flamenco show with his friend who lives in Sevilla. Flamenco is famous in Andalucia (Southern Spain) and particularly here in Seville. I don't know a whole lot about Flamenco I'll be honest - I had pictured something like West Side Story even though, yes I know, the Sharks were Puerto Rican and not Spanish... but the whole swishing around of the dresses etc. you know?

(I bet she wants to be in Ame-ri-ca. Okay be her in Ame-ri-ca)

Flamenco as it turns out is actually quite soulful and a lot of the show involves a singer singing deep songs of lament until the dancer gets up and works her magic. Her dance magic. The whole show isn't sad though it definitely gets up tempo and the dancer goes nuts but it was still a really interesting experience. I was glad to be doing something so interesting so quickly!

I spent the next day going around and doing the sites. Plaza Espana is a beautiful building/semi-circle that was used as a location of Queen Amidala's palace on Naboo in Star Wars (for like ... 10 seconds). La Real Alcazar is an old building and gardens that has had parts torn down and rebuilt over the centuries and now has a bundle of art styles all throughout due to the constant changes. It has a whole lot of fountains in there but the water pressure is super low. So instead of a majestic lion statue gushing water out of its mouth ... it just kind of looks like its vomiting. Also worth noting - I took my first selfie of my entire trip.

(LOVE ME)

We went out at night to some really interesting places including a sort of hidden-down-a-strange-alley African themed outdoor market slash party? A really strange combination but it was really unique. There was an 80's bar that played both Spanish and English songs and the final nightclub which did that thing I hate where they chop up good songs just enough for you to recognise the song, but not enough for you to enjoy it in the slightest. It's already a good song. Don't feel the need to turn it into another song. Your new song is terrible. Just saying. Walked home in the POURING rain. My shoes are still wet and I'm worried it's going to cause like - mildew problems or something.

There's a beautiful cathedral near the hostel that is the largest Gothic cathedral in the world and the tower has a stunning view of the city. There's another structure called the Encarnacion (meaning 'Incarnation' - sloppily turned into 'Mushrooms' in English) which also offers a beautiful view but it's slightly different. Only slightly. I went there on the last day I had in Sevilla while trying to avoid the massive crowds for the Semana Santa festival. I was eating almonds.

(Looks like you could jump from one to the other. You can't)

I actually booked my stay in Sevilla without knowing about the Semana Santa festival. I'm not terribly into religious festivals (just don't want to encourage religion in general) but this one involves people dressing up in eerie pointy hats and then doing a massive procession for about 7 days until Easter Sunday. I've left today just as it's beginning. I was umming and ahhing about where to go next but I've just decided on Valencia. It means I miss out on some other parts of Southern Spain but maybe it would be a reason to come back? Sevilla is really wonderful. Spain is really lovely in general.

Also the Macarena was started here. Savour that one.

Spain - Madrid pt. 2

The bus from Madrid to Seville is 6 hours guys. Guess who is hungover and is into hour 4? This guy. Truth be told by the time I post this I will not in fact be on the bus because, despite an obvious sign on the window next to me indicating available wifi, this is not the case. Believe me though when I tell you that the Spanish countryside is absolutely incredible.

(WHERE IS THE WIFI BUS?! WHERE IS IT?!)

I spent about 4 days in Madrid and it's been a bit of a whirlwind. Within the first 10 minutes of being in the hostel I met two guys from London (one British, one Italian) and after a quick restful night I was out having tapas and beer with them and their Madridian friends down some of the streets I doubt I would have stumbled upon on my own.

(Tostas get in my facehole)

Day turned into night as we would visit several bars on the way and the Madridian friends disappeared only to be replaced by German guys from the hostel. It was a bit of a marathon effort but without doubt a lot of fun.

(MOAR)

The next day the boys had to go back to snowy London and as I went to grab some green tea (the hostel was out of mint tea) from the kitchen I bumped into Brittany, a girl I met in a hostel in Porto. She and I spent the day wandering around Madrid but mostly the massive sprawling garden just aside from the city centre.

That night I cottoned on to an Australian accent floating around and met Dom, Sativa and Elinor all from Canberra. We got to chatting and the next day we, along with 'the Belgian model' Felix, stocked up on wine and headed off to Segovia for a day trip.

(Raging on the train)

Things happened and we ended up going to a different place called Toledo. Truth be told, according to my research they're quite similar towns. Both UNESCO protected, both old, both with beatiful bridges and cathedrals. You know the kind. So we popped the first bottle on the train and then just enjoyed the day wandering around the town drinking the cheapest possible wine we could find in the super market.

That night, and the last night for all of us, we went out to an Irish bar for some reason and drank a bit too much; which puts me in my current position.

The hostel was great. Every morning they had churros and chocolate which was bizarre as it's not ordinarily something I'd go for in the way of breakfast. Indeed I didn't really have much of an appetite for them but in the name of culture I chowed down on a few. HAD to. Other nights they made Paella for us, and the night before last they gave us a whole heap of tapas to share.

(She looks like that girl from 'Winners and Losers', right?)

I must admit though, and this leaves me in two minds, I didn't go on any tours, I didnt go into any museums and I didn't learn much if any if Spain's history. I DID partake in a lot of tapas, wine, and strolling around the streets.

Which is better?

In any case, eventually I'm going to arrive in Seville and make my way to the hostel. There's a massive festival happening as of Saturday that marks the week before Easter. I've heard it described as "the Ku Klux Klan in broad daylight". I'll leave you with that I suppose!

Spain - Madrid

This is my introduction to Madrid and why I hate RyanAir blog post.

Did you know... did you KNOW that failure to check in 4 hours prior to boarding results in a SEVENTY EURO PENALTY?! Here I was, being that guy, minding my own business thinking it`d be a simple matter of handing over a passport or whatever and having some pleasant person with an accent hand me a boarding pass. No sir. Not Ryan Air. I`ve actually spent some time researching why other people hate RyanAir to make me feel better. There are websites.

That`s god damned ridiculous.

(Artist's interpretation)

I got my luggage on just fine though. That part was easy. Had to hide a small backpack under my jumper as they only allow one carry on so for a while I was a fat guy!

Anyway Madrid is nice. I met a nice German girl on the plane and we had a nice chat. She showed me how to use the Metro system in Madrid (which is . Amazing) then we parted ways. It was almost refreshing not doing the whole Facebook thing - I've been thinking about it a lot and I daresay I'll make another blog about it - but at what point do people become friends enough to add each other on Facebook?

The day before arriving in Madrid I was in Guimaraes which is supposedly the birthplace of Portugal and was declared Europe's City of Culture for 2012. It was ok but I mean it was just ok. I had 5 hours there and I feel like 2 hours would have sufficed. There was a large castle and stuff but the real highlight was the lunch. Found a nice restaurant where the only guy who spoke English was the chef and had some octopus rice. Which for those curious, was literally just octopus and rice. The rice had flavour though and the guy suggested some wine which was pretty amazing and it was actually super cheap. Nice place.

(They're actually going for the European city of sport in 2013. Calm down guys)

So today I'm sitting in the youth hostel waiting for some guys to wake up so we can go get some tapas. Ordinarily I think I'd do the walking tour but this tapas sounds like fun so I'll just do the tour tomorrow. I've got something like 4 or 5 days here in Madrid so I'm in no rush. Due to the exorbitant punch in the face from RyanAir I've opted to take the bus to Seville which is 6 hours. blerg. ha.

Portugal - Porto

I keep saying 'Iberian Peninsula' a lot these days because I think it sounds cool. Iberian. Say it. Iberian Peninsula. Right? Don't you just want to say it FOREVER?!

(IBERIA)

So I've been in Porto for a few days now and it's actually pretty great. The lesser known of the 'big' cities in Portugal but by far the biggest city in the north. It's got it's own feel to it that seems less touristy than Lisbon and more sort of culturally charged. English isn't AS good here (still quite amazing); the waiters are a little more brusque (but subjectively, obviously); and it's much smaller (but tiring nonetheless).

(CULTURE)

Here's a handy fact file to lure you in to reading more. J.K Rowling wrote a lot of the first Harry Potter book  here in Porto. She came here to teach English, married a Portugese guy, had a daughter and wrote a lot apparently. The marriage has since dissolved though. I bet the guy is kicking himself. But you can't fight true love. Harry Potter taught me that. No it didn't.

(LOOK MORE CULTURE JK WRITE ABOUT THIS)

During the first day I went on a walking tour again. We just had a small group of about five people including a Japanese girl who I had fun chatting to her for a bit in Japanese. It vindicated my embarrassment at only speaking English ha haaa. Our tour guy Sergio took us around and because our group was small we all had lunch together by the river. It's a really nifty way to see the city I feel and because Porto is so small it was good to just get a general feel of it. On the day of arrival I got suuuper lost and ended up walking through the busiest part of the city with my huge ass backpack fighting my pride to get out a map or my lonely planet guide.

(THIS GUY)

On that note, there is not seemingly any Starbucks or McDonalds here which is nice in that whole 'fight consumerism' thing but gosh darn it is hard to find wifi. I got there in the end - and I got to see the busy side of Porto all in one go. Not too bad.

INSTEAD there are a lot of proper Portugese restaurants selling the fun kind food that is half the reason for travelling! Francisinha is kind of a meat sandwich. I've provided you the wikipedia link so if you want to get all cultured go nuts. Portugese people really like their meat and they just want to give it all to you all of the time. Not that that's a bad thing but I've been getting indigestion that is either from my weird eating/sleeping/drinking habits or from all of the meat I've been shoving into my face hole. Likely both.

(MEAT SANDWICH WITH CHIPS YEAH!)

(It's actually rocking my world. So unhealthy though ... )

There's also a tripe dish that people keep talking about. I know it'll taste nice but everyone is just really bad at describing it. I'm thinking I'll grab it tomorrow when I'm on my day trip to Guimaraes. Next blog will mostly be about Madrid though I'm imagining.

Portugal - Lisbon pt. 2

I'm currently sitting on the bus from Lisbon to Porto which is the main northern city in Portugal. Lisbon was great however I feel the weather slapped a big 'return in summer' sticker over the lovely capital. There happens to be a crying baby aboard this bus which I feel has become a common burden to my continuing sanity during long distance transportation.

After getting my bearing of the city proper I went off to the town of Belem (emphasis on the end of the word - beLEM) which has a cool and aptly named site - the Tower of Belem. Unfortunately en route to this particular building the heavens opened above and dumped an ocean of water down upon us. I was wearing a t-shirt because I'm a moron. I then argued with the ticket man (soaking wet) saying they can't have a 'youth' discount and then not accept my youth card? Apparently there's a Lisbon specific youth card as if that's different from an all powerful INTERNATIONAL youth card. This shit has a picture and everything. Fully legit.

(There was more rain than tourist attraction)

Aside from this building we slammed down what are universally recognised as the best Portugese tarts in the world. I took some back to one of the youth hostel staff who was staying in the bunk above me to apologise for the night before when in my drunken stupor I;

A) was talking loudly at about 5:30am, and

B) I was ... not really encouraging but suggesting it wasn't a big deal if the German girl sleeping on the bed  next to me had sex with the Irish guy she lured back.

I zonked out about a half second later (i.e. not dealing with the aftermath of my actions) but the talking woke the staff member up and then she had to listen to what she later described as some 'unrhythmic' sex. She was cool though. The tarts were that good.

Last adventure in Lisbon was off to the regional Sintra. Where the royal family used to piss off to over the summer. There are palaces and gardens - all very 'regional'.

(regional)

I visited this cool garden place. MY experience was just exploring the garden and all of its nooks and crannies. This place is an invalid's worst nightmare - There are areas in these underground grottos that have absolutely no lights, high towers with tight spiralling staircases, caves that can only be accessed by walking on stepping stones, a mansion sans elevator, and so very MOIST! It had rained earlier and there are waterfalls and lakes and oh so many puddles for me to accidentally step in.

Here is the description on the brochure.

(Yeah ... THIS is what I experienced)

The palace was a bit average actually. People kept saying it's like the Cinderella castle but it was just sort of a haphazard building that, although high up on a mountain, had all the elegance of a dump truck. I got a terrible picture of me sitting between arches over the Sintra countryside. I'm getting a little better with the whole 'actually being in pictures' thing.

(Wooooooo)

I'll let you know what goes down in Porto.

 P.S Haven't really found anything like Nando's. Slightly disappointed. Did, however, eat a humorously large amount of pork at a restaurant in Sintra cooked in the 'regional' style. So very regional. I'm not usually a food picture taker but I am indulging myself these days ho ho ho.

Portugal - Lisbon pt1

Arrived at 7:00am and wandered around Lisbon airport for a while trying to find the Aerobus to take me to Lisboa where my hostel was waiting. I found out later that Portugal boasts the best price to quality ratio for hostels all across the WORLD. Put simply, this is the best youth hostel I have ever stayed in.

I couldn't check in until 2:00pm so I opted to do a walking tour around Alfama which is a kind of old(ish), really hilly neighbourhood that looks out over Lisbon. It gives a really beautiful view of all the houses, the slopes, the river and the winding streets. The walking tour guide was a fun and eccentric fellow who was pretty cool. His approach was to give us the 'local' angle as he grew up in the area so he gave us some nice tips and stories. Turns out Portugal as a country has been bullied a lot.

       

 One of the tips was how to find a good place for dinner. My aim was to find a place that didn't have an obvious English menu thinking it would be more traditional. Found one, went in, and BAM! The guy whips out an English menu. I order the codfish with cream sauce (Codfish is a big deal here). It's pretty good!

Next day I went around Bairro Alto which is kind of the hill on the other side to Alfama which is where all the bars and nightlife are. During the day it's nice but mostly like any other area but at night the streets are full of people drinking whatever from humorously large plastic cups. Got super drunk. Forget many things. Literally spend the entire next day sleeping and moaning.

I'll do another post super soon about the rest of Lisbon before I go up to Porto.

P.S. Am filled with crushing guilt at ability to speak only English and no other European language. It seems like everyone here can speak English really well and it makes me feel lazy.

New York

My red eye flight to New York wasn't pretty. Turns out a child can cry continuously (continuously!) for roughly 5 hours. You'd think they would literally dehydrate and die. You'd HOPE they would dehydrate and die. In any case I arrived at JFK at about 5:30am in the morning and groggily made my way to Brooklyn to my friend Kenny's place. As a comedian/model Kenny works odd hours so the timing wasn't too terrible. He had passed out the night before so it took some work to wake him. ha.

I've been to New York before when I studied in Miami so I didn't really feel any particular need to see the sights again - instead preferring to catch up with old friends. Having said that, this time I was living in Brooklyn (a suburb just outside of Manhattan) so in a way what I was experiencing in terms of surroundings WAS new. I know in my first blog I said I wasn't going to harp on about people you guys don't know but my main goal in NYC was to mostly see people. I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

I met up with :

Kenny (The nice guy who let me stay at his place in Brooklyn. We had a lot of brunch and ... other stuff)
Dereck (Flew from Chicago to come see me! Spent 24 hours in NYC then flew home)
Grace (Up in NYC working and visiting her boyfriend)
Goob (Just moved to NYC and is currently funemployed. We drank.)
Stef (Originally from New York working for Pandora. Best new relationship story ever)
Rose (Also originally from New York. Recently met Bob Loblaw.)

(This took too long to make)   

Super fun.

Tell you what else was fun? Kenny lives really close to a whole bunch of Hasidic Jewish people. Back in Melbourne I lived in sort of the Jewish centre of town but this was next level stuff. Dereck and I thought it was some kind of holiday but a nice old man just said that it was simply Saturday. I'm trying to word how many there were without being racist or offensive. Nah you get it.

Brunch seems to a big thing in NYC and pretty much just involves people getting smashed on mimosas from about 11am. Some people say it's only brunch on the weekends but I beg to differ. Everyday was a weekend for me. On that note, I found that both my sleeping schedules and my diet did take a turn for the bizarre whilst in New York. I was eating really bad food a good majority of the time and sleeping from 2/3am to 11am or so. Case in point, on the final day Kenny and I woke up late then had fried chicken and waffles for brunch. See? Brunch is a big thing.

(Kenny modelling the meal - not that he needed to it was amazing)

Weather wise it was pretty chilly. I bought an awesome bright red jacket in Portland which kept me warm and highly visible during daylight hours. Generally though I was fine and had no problems wandering the streets which was actually a lot of fun. It was cool to see new places and equally enjoyable seeing and remembering places I had been before last time. Central Park isn't as nice when all the trees are devoid of leaves though I will say.

I was wondering to myself as I walked around the streets whether I could live in New York and I came to the conclusion that I do have the fortitude to pack up and go but ultimately I would probably have to be a teacher and teachers get paid peanuts in the states. Put that with stupidly high rent and all of a sudden it hardly seems worth it. I love Melbourne so at the moment I'll stick to that.

I'm now in Lisbon, Portugal. I realised on the plane that I had, in no way, prepared for my stay in Portugal aside from organising a hostel 2 days beforehand. Every time I want to speak another language my brain just throws Japanese at me which is possibly the LEAST useful language to be using here. I've got some awkward fumbling of words ahead of me!

Portland

Ahh Portland...

(You got it)

Fun facts about Portland:

- Portland's soccer team are the 'Portland Timbers'.
- Portland is the largest shipper of Wheat in the USA (because everyone is gluten-free??)
- Portland is the 29th most populous city in the United States.
- Everyone in Portland loves Portland.

- Portland people love their Portland microbrews. Portland.

- Portland Portland roses Portland.

(PORTLAND!)

This fair city is split into 4 quadrants because apparently it lies on a Cartesian graph. Cara's house is in the North East and is a really nice and spacious abode she shares with her boyfriend and some Capoeira do-ers; Because people do that apparently. They're a really cool and fun bunch of people. On the night of leaving in fact they had a grass roots party at their house with a keg. I, meanwhile, was on a plane to New York battling no sleep and time differences. You win this round Portland.

(Me at coordinate (3, 5.5) near the Northwest Coalition of Neighborhoods)

Portland is quite similar to Melbourne in that it has a lot of cool bars, restaurants, cafes etc. but nothing really major to see. As a consequence I just sort of moseyed around the streets during the day. On one of those days I spent a long time in a coffee shop finishing off a book that had been sitting on my list for ages. It was really good (just as well!). Another day I got doughnuts from the famous voodoo doughnuts, I walked around the bridges, got a jacket from an op shop. It's red. So you can kind of guess that I've just been hanging out for the most part. Not that that's a bad thing.

My pal Justin (who lived opposite me when I studied Miami) was in his last two days of living in Portland and still offered up his time to show me some cool places. Justin drinks a lot so I think we shared some similar goals.

(How humiliating)

As far as the comparison of Portland to Portlandia goes I can see where they're coming from with the whole hippy/alternative people but it wasn't really anything out of the ordinary. Which was a little disappointing! I don't know what I was expecting but everyone is really nice and will generally smile at you on the street as they're walking past... So here's another Portlandia sketch instead.

I've started growing a (pretty shaggy) beard which is due, in part, to necessity as my shaver is a bit on the fritz right now.  It's beard central up in hurrr!