Taste

McDonalds in Japan is a strange creature. Familiar yet at the same time alien. One would think upon first thought that maybe McDonalds doesn't really fit into the mold of Japanese cuisine. But like most foreign things in Japan it has been altered to suit the Japanese taste and sensibilities. That is why pizza in Japan has CORN and MAYONNAISE and why taco's are NOT ACTUALLY TACOS AT ALL. McDonalds is no exception to this food altering rule. Yes ladies and gentleman, this blog is about McDonalds in Japan. I'm sorry for you vegans and vegetarians out there. This might make you sick.

I should point out that I don't really go to McDonalds all that frequently. I should also note, however, that the concept of new and interesting burgers does intrigue me. So for the last year and half (or however long I've been here), I've made the effort to try out a new burger every time one comes out. Only problem? It seems every month there is some kind of new burger waiting to be eaten by me and my pal Kevin.

The standard menu has the classics such as the big mac, the cheeseburger and the quarter pounder. These are the favourites that McDonalds has used to conquer the world with. The taste appears to be the same and they're really nothing to call home about. So what will I call home about? What does home NEED to know about? Let's start with the standard menu.

The Prawn Burger

(crustaceany!)

Imagine the Fillet'o'fish but with prawns instead of ... fish. It also has some kind of thousand island dressing / mayonnaise sauce dropped on top. I don't really know what the sauce is but it's like an orange pink colour so there are only so many things it could be right? My brief research into this burger says that McDonalds first launched this to fight drops in sales due to the mad cow disease scare of '02. Even though apparently McDonalds uses Australian beef which was not under threat. Holla!

The Teriyaki Burger

(SHINE!)

Does anyone actually know what flavour teriyaki is supposed to be? I can tell you that the word itself comes from two Japanese words, teri meaning 'to shine' or 'to have lustre' and yaki referring to the cooking method, that is to say, grilling or boiling. I believe the burger patty is made of pork but with such vague definitions of what meat must go in it's really anyone's guess. The teriyaki sauce is pretty good if not a little bit messy but it's a decent size and is generally pretty popular here.

The Pork Burger

(Obviously it never looks like this)

You may have noticed I'm leaving out the Mc- prefix of a lot of these burgers. This is technically the McPork burger but I don't need to insult your intelligence. This is about the size of a cheese burger except the patty is actually slightly larger than the bun resulting in a humorous hang off (not in the picture obviously). It comes with a garlic and black pepper sauce and is available on the 100￥ menu. It's got a tangy taste to it but the pork patty is a little soft. It makes me too conscious that I am eating pork.

The Nippon All Stars

(apparently too amazing to show the entire burger)

Every now and then McDonalds has some kind of promotion to sell new stuff for a limited time only. The first time this came around during my time here in Japan was the Nippon All Stars (Japanese All Stars). Four burgers apparently chosen because of their greatness.

You can pretty much tell what's in each from looking at them but for the few among you that require explanations there is the Egg Double Mac which features meat, eggs and bacon. The Tsukimi burger (moon viewing burger) which takes out a patty of meat from the previous burger and adds in an... interesting 'moon viewing' sauce. The Chicken Tatsuta burger which replaces lettuce with cabbage and was apparently popular due to mixing the taste of soy sauce (on the chicken) and mayonnaise. Finally the Gracoro burger which was essentially a cheesy, creamy mix that is deep fried (a croquet) with croquet sauce to boot.

I can only assume that these burgers have been on the menu at some stage and have now made a comeback with a brand new ad campaign featuring an extremely stereotypical American family freaking out about the wonders of the Japanese burgers. A lot of foreigners weren't happy with this because the family really are stupid, but I found them to be charming.

Here Mr. James is saying 'Tamaran desu', his catch phrase, meaning 'I can't resist it'. It's written in katakana which is the Japanese alphabet usually reserved for sound effects or foreign phrases. That is to say, when things from other languages need to be spoken in Japanese they use this alphabet. Meaning that even written, Mr. James is quite clearly a foreigner. What a champ.

The America Burgers

So after the whirlwind that was the Nippon All Stars, the world of McDonalds calmed down for a little bit and life returned to normal. That is until one day when word of the new series of America burgers were unleashed upon poor unsuspecting Japanese folk. Four burgers apparently featuring flavours from various states of America. New York, California, Hawaii and Texas to be exact.

(AMERICA!)

New York is defined by a quarter pounder with tomato, bacon, fancy cheese and mustard sauce. A lot of mustard sauce. Practically 73% of the burger is mustard sauce. There was a lot of mustard sauce.

California is supposedly quite similar to New York but this time the cheese is a little bit spicy and instead of drenching the SHIT out of the burger in mustard sauce they use quite a powerful tasting red wine based sauce.

The Texas burger takes a step sideways and features bacon, fried bits of onion, a mustard relish and barbeque sauce. In true Texan fashion it also provides a segregative wall/bun to keep the above ingredients away from the white people / burger.

Lastly is the Hawaiian burger. You may all be surprised that it in fact does NOT have pineapple. What the hell is Hawaiian food without pineapple?! It's got bacon and lettuce which is fine. A slice of American cheese (just so the world knows who it belongs to), gravy and an egg. I don't really see how it has anything to do with Hawaii but what do I know? Nothing apparently.

Pretentious Chicken Burgers

(The most eligible bachelors this side of the 1800's)

Just when you thought everything was coming in fours, McDonalds sends a big karate chop to your over inflated ego with two chicken burgers that will leave you spinning... Due to the karate chop. I am talking about the Salt and Lemon Burger, and the Aurora Burger. Lacking no official name as a duo I've given them a title worthy of the general attitude surrounding them.

The S+L burger is some fried chicken with the usual stuff and a salty lemony sauce. Surprised? It's not so much circular as it is oval in design. It's quite interesting though! In fact it seems it was so interesting that it appears to have weasled itself onto the standard menu! It's sister the Aurora burger however was lacking something, i.e. the good sauce, and had a mysterious 'aurora' sauce (also know as BIG MAC SAUCE) instead. Disappointing.

iCon Chicken Burgers

Lately McDonalds has been trying to infiltrate the chicken section of the fast food market. Sure they've had the McChicken for ages but who really gets that? Chicken nuggets are pretty popular though... I digress. McDonalds have upped the ante with four new chicken burgers. It should be noted though that these are the most recent releases and so as such have not all appeared in stores. But McDonalds in Japan like to pre-release some of these burgers in only a few stores around the country so that means I have had two out of the four burgers.

(The width of the picture is approximately how fat they will all make you)

First up is the Cheese Fondue Burger. Get a piece of fried chicken, chuck it in cheese, put it on a bun and then add more cheese on top. The taste is OK but sort of just OK. I don't regret buying it but I probably wouldn't buy it again.

Second is the German Sausage Burger which suggests that chicken just isn't enough and

chucks in some German sausage! Woo!

Third is the Diavolo Burger or with better spelling, the Diablo burger. My friends tried

this recently at one of the pre-release releases and said that it was a good level of spicy.

Finally the Carbonara burger. That yellow stuff seeping out the top looks like corn

but there isn't any kind of immediate corn taste so I'll just go ahead and guess

that it's some kind of carbonara sauce...

Other
So now you've been privy to the kind of burgers McDonalds has been splashing around Japan. I realise that in Australia we've got the healthy option menu and the McCafe's etc. but we're all used to them by now. They're boring. McDonalds Japan are trying to make their foods seem fresh by just constantly changing what's on offer. When giving new burgers isn't enough they've got plenty more up their sleeve.

Green Tea & Oreo McFlurry.

Stuff you Oreos! Japan is going to do to you what it does to every. single. thing... and make you green tea flavoured!

McGriddles

The concept of these makes me sick. Regular breakfast Mcmuffins with... burstlets of maple syrup in the buns. I'm sorry. No. Guess what country THESE initially came from?
Banana milkshake

McHotDog

I chose this picture over I nice clean one because of the writing above the title. "200% Taste". Just for when simple 100% isn't good enough. Not also the MEGA SAUSAGE. Eating this I guess would be akin to getting a punch in the jaw.

Mega Muffin

I won't lie to you. This can absolutely hit the spot after a big night drinking. I haven't ordered one in aaaages though because they make me feel guilty. Look at it. You know why.

McDonalds appears to be able to create burgers of good, and also burgers of evil. It's not such a big issue though because it's not like we have to eat it. I have three McDonalds in my town but none of them open for the breakfast menu and they all close at 8. Which sort of rules out prime McDonalds eating time of 12am - 3am. The drink choices vary a lot more too and have things like ice tea, melon soda and ice coffee etc. 'Meals' are referred to as 'sets' and instead of Large, Medium and Small - they use 'L saizu(size)' 'M saizu' and 'S saizu'.

What's most interesting is that working for McDonalds doesn't appear to be devalued by society! As an ex-McDonalds employee myself I could regale you all with what I went through in my 5 months of McDonaldship but that my friends, is another story.

...... I'm not writing a blog about that.

And before you all start slagging off McDonalds for being the worst fast food venue in the world. Look what the Japanese restaurant, Loteria, has created...

(Ladies and gentleman... the TOWER BURGER)

Monstrous.



kris.

Beautiful Calm Driving

Part 3.

A friend of mine thought that these blogs were going to be about me. I'm sorry but I don't think my life is interesting enough to fuel three blogs in three days as per the rules of my BONANZA. Otherwise it would be a detailing of the stupid things I do each and every day. On that note; Today was school photos and in typical Kris fashion I completely forgot about it even though I was discussing it with a teacher yesterday.

(Typical Kris)

This wouldn't usually be a problem because teachers bring several jackets to school (just in case?!) so I could have worn one of theirs but this same thing happened last year too. Instead of swallowing my pride I decided to skip this meal and got the blessing to dash home and grab my suit and dash back. I had about 50 minutes to do a 60 minute round-trip. I'll spare you the details about what went down but no one died, no police were involved and I got back to school on time. What did occur was some pretty severe, yet reserved, road rage. Why?

You see there are many things about the transportation system in Japan. Trains are perfects, bikes are nice and convenient and walking would be fine if anyone actually did it. I'm talking about driving. As I live about 20km away from my schools it was necessary for me to have a car and frankly I wasn't complaining. Car = freedom, as far as I'm concerned.

(Not THIS much freedom)

In Australia I had a piece of crap car. I really liked it though because it was cheap and it did everything I needed it to do. That is to say, it took me from point A to point B. I never saw the appeal of adding modifications to my car or spending my money on anything other than fuel. It was a pretty good deal and when I worked and was at uni it mostly just had to take me to the train station about 10 minutes away. It was 80km/h most of the way and there was maybe 2 traffic lights. Life was easy. Life was simple.

In Japan my car is a lot smaller which suits the Japanese lifestyle quite well. Fairly fuel efficient and, like my old car in Australia, takes me from point A to point B - sometimes C! Not common though... not common. The only problem I have with driving in Japan is pretty much everything other than the car and the side of the road. Allow me to elaborate by putting things into sub headings and talking about them briefly.

Traffic lights
I've gone from none to handful of traffic lights in Australia to one directly outside of my apartment car park in Japan. What's worse is that it's a traffic light to get onto the main road so you can guarantee it's going to be red about 85% of the time. I live in quite a busy area of my city so to get from one side of the city to the other it can actually be faster to ride a bike which, in short, infuriates me. I hate being hindered waiting for the god damn traffic lights to change when I'm just trying to LEAVE.

(How the average Japanese person apparently views the multitude of traffic lights)

Speed
So after I get out of the city you would think I'm free to journey towards my destination and I usually I am... in a way. Only trouble is I have to stick to 50km/h because that's just how they do things in Japan. Slow. Stupidly so. I'll be driving along with nothing but rice paddies for the last 10 minutes and it's still a mandatory 50km. That is practically walking speed! Generally I take an artistic license to the driving speed and it's with this warping of my reality that I get to work on time every morning. Almost every single morning though I am stuck behind some old fuddy duddy sticking to his antiquated and dusty guns and, despite a long trail of cars behind him, adamantly sticks to 50.

(A menace to us all)

People
My city doesn't have a train station so most people drive. It would be unfair to say everyone is a terrible driver as that falls onto the shoulders of a few select individuals. Not using their indicator, suddenly stopping, changing lanes without looking, pulling out at completely inappropriate times, running lights, not watching for pedestrians, and so on. You think of the most annoying driver/traffic related thing you can and you can be darn sure it happens here every single day.

I was involved in an accident last year it's true. I'll tell you what happened though before you start stoning me for being a hypocrite. I was on my way to work and a girl on a bike rode in front of me. She was fine, a little bit of bruising on her leg, but she was up and at it on the scene. I was going 10km under the speed limit and she had a stop sign she didn't stop at. It could have been a lot worse but as it was all that was really damaged was her bike. Which I had to pay for. She can't blame her stupidity on the accident because clearly that was a lost cause to begin with. I'm not going to get on my milk crate and say it was her fault... But yeah, it pretty much was.

(My shitty MS. Paint effort)

Combine all of my irritated grumblings above the with the Japanese address system or lack there of and you've got one frustrated Kris on your hands! Streets don't have names so addresses are done in an area-type format with numbers being splashed about along with post codes. Mail gets where it needs to because the posties know the situation but as there are no numbers anywhere or any indication that I am anywhere near where I want to be - it can get a little confusing.

Gas stations have people that fill up your car for you though! That's pretty sweet.


Thus concludes my 3 blogs in 3 days BONANZA. This was hard work. I thought of some more ideas but I'll save them for when I have free time. By that I mean free time when I have absolutely nothing better to do. I don't imagine it will be too long.

I didn't bother proof reading this.

kris.

Basic Space

Part 2.

I've been attending a gym for the last month and half. I don't want you all expecting an amazingly bodied Kris upon my return (well, not any more than usual HAHAHAHAHA...) but as the weather gets colder and as I want to feel less guilty about stuffing my facial region with various food and/or food alternatives - then it makes sense.

There are two gyms in my area. One is just up the road and the other is about a 10 minute drive away. Seemingly against logic I went with the latter of the two for these reasons; price, size and people. Whatever. Not important. Decision made.

(Positive attitude y'all!)

Signing up to the gym is not such a difficult process if one has a basic grasp of Japanese. This is mainly due to the fact that if one can't speak Japanese well enough then one is not allowed to join. It's actually in the contract. Discriminatory but reasonable clauses aside, the process was quite smooth if not a little drawn out. The choices of plan include a day plan (from 11:30am - 2:30pm), a night plan (8:30pm - 10:30pm), a weekend plan or the MASTER PLAN (anytime). I went with the MASTER PLAN as ideally I'd like to be able to go straight after school but if I'm forced to hang around home until 8:30 I will probably crash/burn/die and not be bothered to go etc. It is a liiiiiittle bit pricey but so far I've been going quite frequently so I think it's pretty worth it.

Joining a gym in Japan doesn't lock you into a death grip of 6 year plans with painful canceling fee's that will probably render you homeless and poor. Which is nice. The whole feeling is nice! I don't feel intimated to walk inside by people twice my size nor do I feel self conscious. In fact as far as the people who go are concerned I'm quite happily in the middle range. The middle range involves no pressure, expectations or obligation. Exactly my style. Like this man!

(Go possibly Russian man! Exceed no expectations!)

So usually I enter the gym from the strange side parking and take off my outside shoes. Oh yes, don't think that gyms are excluded from the inside and outside shoe policy. I put my shit into the lockers and after weighing myself I start stretching. About 5 minutes later I begin running or some kind of cycling, then machines and then cool down. Sometimes I do a class (there's a psuedo-kick boxing class on Mondays) but generally it's the above schedule followed by the shower/bath in Japanese style... that is to say, naked.

One of my favourite machines is the treadmill. Instead of being totally boron and just sticking to calories and crap, it has a picture to show what I have burnt off so far. It starts with a candy and progresses upwards. The first few are perhaps encouragingly pessimistic and feature things such as a banana or some tuna sushi or something like that. I, personally, would prefer the machine to tell me how many beer related calories I have blasted off my petite frame but the machine wasn't made in Australia, now was it. Beer however does pop up in the pictures and is followed by things like hamburgers, baked cheesecake, short cake and ramen etc. It's a little gratifying but more often than not, it's depressing.

(This is all you've burned off. You suck. LOLOLOL)

If I don't want my self esteem challenged by watching such pitiful amounts of calorie burning action then I can watch the installed TVs on each machine. TVs for each machine is not a new phenomenon but as I can't watch TV at home (due to mine being broken due possibly to fitness DVDs) then it is a chance for me to catch up on inane variety shows, cultural/nature shows and other gems such as 'Telepathy Girl Ran' or Sumo wrestling. This allows me to gain a 100% accurate view of Japanese life. This is just interesting enough to fill in the vacuous black hole in my head space of TV-related information and comedy quotes.

(quality)

The gym has been a lot of fun to go to so far. I can't tell you if there's been a noticeable change in how I feel but any sort of change for the better is a good thing I would think. Here's hoping anyway.

Learnt My Lesson Well

Part 1.

Do you remember the textbooks you used in high school? I remember the name of the French book we used ('Tapis Volant' for those interested) and if I saw the other textbooks I might recognise them but despite the big role they play in our education they're pretty much forgettable... except the French book apparently.

(Remember this? NO! Because this is the newer version... I can't find a picture of the older one)

I mention this as now that I'm in my second year of education I have already become bored of the textbook. This does not bode well for my future as an educator, but perhaps with a little explanation you will understand the problem. As I stated earlier, I don't really remember much from the text books and I certainly don't have pictures of them here to reminisce. So to make things a little more interesting I'm going to show you pictures of the English textbook here.

Before we go any further let me introduce you to the characters of the books. The same students progress through all three books of junior high school which is convenient. Firstly, meet Kumi and Ken, the archetypal bilingual Japanese female and male of the group.

(possibly the same person)

Next, Emma. Emma hails from Australia as is apparently indicated by her red hair and blue eyes. She also appears to have a full on American accent in the CD's accompanying the text books. She likes to play netball and eat lunch outside with her friends.

(Julia Gillard?)

This is Ming. He is from China. In one lesson everyone goes to his house and we see a kite in the shape of a bat and we learn about his father's old cup. Not to be confused with Ming's cup... which is new.

(I BET he's good at math, and bad at driving)

Paul's blonde locks and freckled face sure does lend him well to his home country of, you guessed it, The USA. He plays football every weekend. His Father at one stage offers Kumi a drink and shows her some African music. What a riot.

(omg it's Matt Damon)

Finally we have Ratna from India who also falls victim to stereotypes. We meet her sari loving sister and learn that Ratna in fact speaks THREE languages. English, Hindi and Marathi. What's Marathi you ask? She never really explains but she does like talking to her friends in it.

(Ratna probably ate the cat behind her, hahaha... racist)

The book is interspersed with various characters that provide new topics of conversation. Such as Ms. Kileo from Africa who is studying biotechnology to make better crops for her home country. She's also interested in Tinga Tinga. A style of African art.

Then there's Mary from Wales who visits the lake district with her family and craps on about Peter Rabbit.

Or some random talking about Ainu culture (Ainu = Native people of Japan).

Or some other douchebag teachers that suck.

These are the characters that guide us through the sub-par Japanese English education. Let's delve head first and get an idea of each of the year levels and the veritable learning landscapes they traverse. Let's start with the basics and visit first year.

First year

We begin with various greetings and phrases including the ubiquitous

A: How are you

B: I'm fine thank you, and you?

A: I'm fine, too. Thank you.

And then progress onto the alphabet. No learning mnemonics. Just practice. This is fine because in Japanese they practice their multiple alphabets by sheer repetition so don't worry about them - They manage. Then we move onto things such as plurals (which don't really exist in Japanese), to he vs. she, various tenses, vocabulary and question sentences. All pretty standard, no? Here's an excerpt.

(Kumi making Paul feel stupid. Bitch)

Second year

After a year of English education the kids pretty much have the alphabet down and should theoretically be able to hold a general conversation. Even if said conversation consists of things such as 'do you like potato?', 'do you like soccer?', 'Do you like apple?' or 'I'm fine thank you, and you?'. Of course, being Japanese they refuse to raise their hand in class or think freely so the structure remains pretty much the same into the second year. Teach the granmmar, read the text, do a brief test and move on. Classic.

This book starts to venture out among the world with a chapter about India, a chapter about the native Japanese people and even a chapter about heat islands! The textbook begins with Emma talking about Australia and how the seasons are different blah blah blah. I will give the book kudos for talking about spring/autumn when it is actually spring/autumn according to the school year but I'm not such a fan of the book suggesting that ALL Australians say 'ta' instead of 'thank you'. No Emma, no.

(Not actually the 'ta' page but you get the idea)

This book spends a loooot of time on the comparative form. Today is hotter than yesterday, or Kris is the most awesome etc. That is until we reach chapter 8, entitled - Landmines and Children. Which is were I should bring up the morbidity of this series of textbooks. Here's a line from the book.

" Cambodia children like to play in forests and fields, just like you and me. But some of them are killed and others are injured. Landmines do this. "

Accompanied by this photo.

(You'd think he'd learn his lesson from the LAST time he walked to school)

Nice.

Third year

The final book of the series and the last book these kids see before they venture off into the world of secondary education or farming. Their last chance to gain a positive view on English so as to want to learn it in the future. We teach them about Sasaki Sadako and how the atomic bomb eventually killed her; About Martin Luther King Jr. and racism in America (including his death); Famine and war in Sudan including this heart warming Pulitzer Prize winning photo; and also about Human Rights in Kosovo.

(Sadako folding a banana)

Did YOU know that the Atomic bomb over Hiroshima killed 130,000 people? I sure didn't! The grammar point for this part was '~~ makes me ~~' , in other words 'The atomic bomb makes me sad'. Subtle. But having said all of that I should point out the book also covers things like hand signing, guide dogs, future careers, World Heritage Sites and such. It all just seems a bit serious...

By the end of the third year some students have a general grasp on English and know lots of useful words, and some not so useful words... such as boycott, highland and refugee. It's a start.

Then they grow to monstrous proportions and crush the world with their gigantic feet)

I like teaching English. I like the teachers I work with, the teachers I don't work with and I love my students. The text book isn't amazing but if it's what I have to use to do what I do then it's worth it. Many of my friends use different text books and so I can really only speculate on them. I don't care. That's all for tonight.


Tomorrow's topic?

I haven't actually written it yet.